


"There Are No Fanfictions, Only Interpretations."

by YouScruffyNerfHerder



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Hold onto your Game of Thrones loving butts, Humor, Joss Whedon quotes ahoy, Parody, Pop Culture References Galore, So many references incoming, i refuse to be sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 19:38:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16270964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouScruffyNerfHerder/pseuds/YouScruffyNerfHerder
Summary: Written as a gift to Precursor for 100k hits on "Deviant Behavior", if the "you" second-person character was actually me and stuffed to the brim with obscure pop-culture references instead of weird old dead philosophers?





	"There Are No Fanfictions, Only Interpretations."

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Precursor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Precursor/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Deviant Behavior](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14851244) by [Precursor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Precursor/pseuds/Precursor). 



> This is a parody of "Deviant Behavior", a wonderful, well-thought-out, beautifully-written fanfiction for the Detroit: Become Human fandom that is unfortunately stuffed to bursting with edgelord quotes from old dead white philosophers. And I'm so not about that life.  
> (I'm kidding, it's amazing, go read it)
> 
> But this is if the "you" was "me", if instead of Nietzsche and Top Gun it was Buffy and Game of Thrones. Among other things.

“Kill her.  We have everything we need.”

A pitiful grunt left his mouth, his shuddering frame convulsing in violent spasms.

He was still in there.  He was resisting.

Even as he stumbled through the darkness, lost in a maze of twisted trees and danger…he sought refuge without a light to guide him home.

He hadn’t given up on you when you lost your way, and you couldn’t give up on him.You had to buy him time.  Had to help him escape.

“‘Oh my god. What can it be? We're all doomed! Who's flying this thing!?’”

* * *

You scoffed and tossed the article aside, crossing your arms and leaning the small of your back on the counter’s ledge.

“Find something?” Chris snapped fresh gloves in place as he replaced a dirtied pair.

“Look at this,” You slid it across the countertop, “Sounds just about right, actually.”

He bit the inside of his cheek, dragging his finger along the screen.

“I think you’re taking this android obsession of yours a little too far…”

“Listen, all I’m saying is that every Tinder hookup I’ve had so far has ended poorly, it’s not like an android can do much worse.”

Chris’s calm, quiet demeanor evolved into a boisterous laugh.

“Tell you what.” He whispered, “I’ll ask my wife how many orgasms she’s faked, and you can use that to write your next blog article…which I’m sure’ll be coming soon.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Just don’t go running off to Eden Club with goo and guts all over you.  The owner might not like that.”

“Shut up, Chris.”

You cocked your chin, giving him the finger from under your elbow.  He shook his head laughing, returning to the living room.

“Do you have questions about intercourse involving androids?  I’d be happy to answer them.”

“Actually…”

* * *

“‘Well if you wanted honesty, that’s all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it’s better off this way’.”

You’d already lost one lover because you put your past priorities first, and you weren’t losing another one.

“What are you…” Connor’s teeth locked before the invisible force overrode him, “What are you rambling about?”

* * *

You propped yourself up on an elbow, “Carl knew me quite well, back then…So he decided to portray me, as a person, and the reason he believed that a certain something resonated with me.”

“What was it?”

You turned to a bookshelf, filled with leather and paper spines, DVD collections and Blu-Rays guarded by vinyl Pop figurines.  You could’ve given him a straight answer, but this was an opportunity to dig for something deeper. To put your beliefs to the test.  An opportunity for him to learn.

“Do you have any plans for the evening, Connor?”

He almost jumped at the question, “Well…No, not exactly.  I could go back to the police station and review the incoming cases, but I wouldn’t be able to actively pursue any leads without Lieutenant Anderson.  He made it perfectly clear he had no desire to continue working until tomorrow.”

“Do you like _Buffy the Vampire Slayer?_ ”

* * *

"'You're walking in the woods, there's no one around and your phone is dead. Out of the corner of your eye, you spot him'," you quote expertly from memory.  
  
He was trapped in one of her programs.  The Garden of Eden that even Elijah had feared to leave without a forbidden fruit to pluck from a tree…without a blade of its own should the need to slash and burn arise.   
  
_"Shia Labouef."_

* * *

“Did you…” You yawned, “Did you watch those all night?”

There must’ve been more than forty discs scattered around him in a perfect circle.

“Yes.  I’ve found that I enjoy it quite a bit, actually-” He jumped off the floor, his socks padding across the area rug as he basically ran towards you.

You pulled your legs up, and he plopped on the couch.

“This one-“ He pointed the remote to the TV screen where a DVD logo bounced this way and that, “I saved this one for last.”

“…Last?”

You weren’t sure how he managed to cram 72 hours of television into 13 but you assumed it was some android thing.

“I’ve been waiting for you to wake up all morning. I think it’s this one!”

You blinked rapidly, still waking up.

But what really snapped you alert and alive was the swelling of the overture as the credits rolled over the musical episode.

* * *

“‘How can you see into my eyes like open doors?’”

“Connor,” He rasped, “End this-“

Amanda’s critical error was that, while she always had tunnel vision, she shielded her eyes from the light at the end.

“‘Wake me up!’”

You’d seen both sides of the abyss and traveled the borders daily.  A passer of worlds that called no one place home, caught between the jaws of bloodthirsty wolves.

“‘Can’t wake up!’”

Connor.  That, was Connor.  He was scared of the darkness.

* * *

“Do you have this entire show memorized?”

“Most of it. Firefly too.”

* * *

“What are you…” Connor’s teeth locked before the invisible force overrode him, “What are you rambling about?”

“‘Every rose has it’s thorns’, Amanda.” You dropped her name and ignored the shock that didn’t belong to him, “‘And every night has its dawn’.”

His brow furrowed, and the gun faltered.

“‘And every cowboy sings a sad, sad song.’”

* * *

“‘What is better,’” You whispered, “’To be born good,’” You swallowed a hard lump in your throat, “’Or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?’”

The two of you sat in comfortable silence, taking in the rush that came with arriving at a higher understanding.  His view scoped the evidence board, and you watched him in the proud moment.

“I like dragons.”

* * *

 

“No pigeons,” He smiled, the tips of two fingers cocking towards you after tapping his forehead, “Got it!”

He turned to leave, the white letters spelling “ANDROID” shifting between his shoulders.  He unlocked the door with his touch, pulling the door open.

“Oh, and Connor?”

He paused, turning to you, “Yes?”

“You’re not gonna…Uhm…’Reset your system,’ are you?”

He lit your stomach ablaze with a dazzling smile.

“’Do not let go of dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. Lucky Numbers: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 42’”

He got that from a fortune cookie note you have taped to your fridge. One that smelted your iron resolve, soldering you in place.

“…I’ll take that as a ‘no.’”

* * *

Hank Anderson

Today 13:22

Connor won’t shut the fuck up about Joss Whedon and he’s giving me a goddamn migraine.

 

You smirked, “’If you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped. Sin and hellfire... one has lepers.’”

 

You were surprised by how quickly he answered.

 

Hank Anderson

Today 15:55

For FUCK’S sake…

* * *

 

“One beer.” He wiped his hands on a napkin, turning to you, “Soo…Partner…”  He grinned, “Did ‘curiosity,’ kill the ‘cat,’ so to speak?”

“Chris…I swear to god, if you ordered me something from BadDragon again…”

* * *

“Well don’t watch…” He shrugged you off with a chuckle.

You peeked around him, and he blocked you with his elbow.  Went to look over his shoulder, and he pushed you away with the side of his head.   

“I want to make sure Chris got the right thing. Knowing him, he got me a chode the size of a coke can.”

* * *

“’I understand…’” His lips tickled your ear as his whispers were drowned by croaks from your collapsing windpipe, “’That if any more words come pouring out your cunt mouth…’”

He squeezed tighter.  You couldn’t breathe or see straight - felt like your eyes would bust out of their sockets if you’d fight any harder to get him off.

You curled your fingers around his forearm.  He was so strong, his hold on you so impossibly fortified…You weren’t getting out of this alive.

“I'm gonna have to eat every fucking chicken in this room.’”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure you're expecting a list of what each reference was in case you missed one but no!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it anyway, your Kudos and Comments give life to my ancient and undying soul.


End file.
